Virginia Keith Qamar

Remembering Virginia - Bob Qamar - We all hold Virginia in our thoughts and memories for the outstanding person that she was as a mother, wife, grandmother, daughter, and loving supporter to so many. Of her many wonderful qualities her great sense of honesty and integrity are true virtues that are so strongly instilled in her. Over her long life she had a wonderful sense of and determination to follow a course of doing the right thing for herself and others she loved. She was so fortunate to have found true love with our father Ban. The names Ban and Virginia were so often spoken one after another as if the were one. Ban and Ginny. They shared a close loving relationship both in life and in their business ventures, as a true equal partnership. Mom from early on learned to take care of herself and those loved ones around her. She also cared for her family with such love while also having a career, well before the norm it is today. She also cared for her parents from an early age for the balance of their lives. Virginia is a very special and rare person, who has lived a long, wonderful and valued life. Virginia's Life History - Laurence Qamar - Virginia Keith was born in Manhattan in New York City on February 20, 1926. Her mother Victoria Sussi, went by the nick name Dotti, and her father, James Pattison Keith, was known as Pat. During mom's childhood, the Keith's lived in Manhattan on the upper Westside in several different apartments, and mom particularly enjoyed when they moved to Marble Hill. Virginia spoke of that move to Marble Hill because for the first time there was a tree growing right outside her bedroom window which she enjoyed. In the last years of her life, while she was speaking fewer and fewer words, but she would often comment on "How beautiful the trees are!" Virginia shared how her family during the Depression were quite poor, but nonetheless always had pride and dignity. She recalled being once taken by her mother, Dotti, out on the subway to one of the outlying boroughs of New York to visit a relative to borrow a little bit of money. She was surprised when the money they received was little more than the cost of the subway trip. These challenging financial times created in her the desire to assure security for herself and her loved ones, and she strived throughout her life to work hard, invest her funds for growth, and to assure that those she loved were safe and sound. Her desire for fiscal responsibility also lead her to a career in finance and accounting. Her father was, like many, out of work for some time during the Depression, but eventually had a good job working as a machinery appraiser as well as machinist in the physical plant of Columbia University. Mom's mother Victoria did not work outside the home, and was always there for mom growing up. In her early years Virginia contracted Diphtheria and was hospitalized a period of time. There was one evening in which her parents were called to the hospital as the doctors felt she was not doing well. But she did indeed recover and from that time on lived a very healthy life. She had an uncle on her father's side who had a wonderful dog named Pal. They would visit him in the summers and she always loved that dog, who would be sent by her parents and uncle to retrieve her from a nearby friend's house when it got dark at night. Virginia's father grew up in Maine with a brother and two sisters, and his mother. Pat's father passed away when he was fairly young. They must have moved at some point to New York. Virginia's mother also grew up in the New York area, Grandma's mother passed away also when she was young. Victoria's mother and father were both first generation Italian immigrants from a small town near Genoa. Her father could not manage to raise the children alone and also work for a living, so he entered Victoria in a boarding school run by Catholic nuns. Virginia's cousin Albert Feneroli (known to Ginny as Cousin Chubby) tells us recently that the orphanage was located in the town of Carmel, NY. Virginia did not have a very positive recollection of her mother's upbringing by the nuns in the orphanage. Virginia would often donate to a nearby children's orphanage in honor of her mother. Victoria's father passed away when she was a teenager still living in the orphanage. I am certain that Virginia learned her deep sense of honesty, integrity and love from her mother and father, who loved her, their only child, deeply. Virginia would tell the story that her mother was very pretty as a young woman. She recalled walking with her mother in New York as a little girl, and noticing that men would often turn their heads to admire her mother. Victoria would never give notice, and merely walked-on looking straight ahead. But Virginia taking note of these onlookers, would sometime turn to them and stick her tongue out at them as if telling them to mind their own business. Virginia was in high school during WWII and remembered doing fund raising and support for the military. Virginia was an excellent student throughout her school years, was on the debate team, and was the valedictorian of her high school class of 1944. Virginia had a very dear friend since kindergarten named Claire Berchy. Both being only children, they were like sisters growing up. Claire's parents were Clara and Mr. Berchy (as we referred to him). The Berchy's owned and operated the well-known Swiss restaurant in NYC called the Chalet Swiss. They would invite Virginia to their summer beach home in Manasquan, NJ, where mom developed her life-long love of the ocean. Virginia was accepted to Barnard College which at the time was an all-girls branch of Columbia University. She finished her degree in finance from Columbia most likely around 1948, and had her first job working for a small company run by a man who was blind. She recalled walking the man to lunches on the sidewalks of NY and that being a gratifying experience in helping someone in need. In the 1950's Virginia started working for Lippincott and Marguilies, an important corporate identity design firm in NYC. Through hard work and dedication she rose to become the Vice President of Finance for L&M. This was a very progressive move for her in a time when most woman were home-makers and the corporate world was dominated mostly by men. Yet Virginia with her dignity, strength of character and compassion managed to gain the respect of all, particularly the company's founder Walter Marguilies. She made some good friends there like Renee Cash, Jack Goldstein, and Peggy. When Virginia decided one day to come to work wearing dress slacks instead of a dress, Mr. Marguilies announced, "Well, if Virginia can wear slacks to work, then all the women can." In a subtle way she was a trend setter and well ahead of her time. Virginia attributed to her father the determination and drive she had to make a difference as a woman in a man's world. He taught her to be determined and strong, and even taught her a little self-defense like the "half-nelson". Virginia moved from her parents' apartment into her first New York apartment where she began to collect various pieces of mid-century modern furniture when they was relatively inexpensive. Her designer friends at Lippincott and Marguilies recommended various designers for her to select. When Virginia was almost 30 years old, she had the wonderful fortune to meet Ban Qamar, who would become her beloved husband, and lifelong best friend. One night Virginia was invited to what she called a "hen party" which meant it was just for a group of girlfriends. Ban, and a good friend from the "old country" named Bill Rizk, who had known one of the girls at the party, decided to drop in uninvited. They of course were perfectly welcome, especially because they were gentlemen. Ban and Ginny, as he would often call her, met and "hit it off". They dated for a relatively short time. And then one day they got together to take a walk in a park in Larchmont along the Long Island Sound. As they sat on a bench Ban proposed to Virginia, and presented a a diamond engagement ring, which she wore the rest of her life. Virginia's first response was to say, " Holy cow!". Ban asked, "Well, what does that mean?" and she responded, "It means YES". The very next day they met again, and Ban had miraculously found in a store a little ceramic figurine of a pink cow with a golden halo around its head. A Holy Cow! We have that little Holy Cow as a memento to this day. Virginia used this expression throughout her life. Ban and Virginia after marrying lived in a couple of places in New York and maybe New Jersey and then bought a big Dutch Colonial house in New Rochelle, NY where they also invited Virginia's parents to come live with them. Ban's son Tony, from his first marriage, who lived on the west coast, soon met Virginia and her parents on visits to New Rochelle. In 1956 they gave birth to, Robert. Then in 1962 they gave birth to, Laurence. With her parents taking care of Robbie and Laurence during the day, Ban and Virginia could continue with their professional careers working as executives in NYC, where they commuted daily. Her parents, who we called Grandma and Grandpa were like second parents to us. Virginia's father passed away at 72 years and her mother in her mid-60's. Ban and Virginia along with two other friends purchased a 640-acre ranch in Indiantown, Florida, where they established a fully functional Santa Gratutis cattle breading operation, for which Virginia managed all the financial operations. They had a hundreds of head of cattle cared for by a ranch manager and his family. We vacationed in Florida often on the beach which allowed us to visit the ranch for day trips. They had packages of beef and veal sent up to the home in NY. They also bought an 80 acre farm in Allentown, Pennsylvania. Having come from city, Virginia enjoyed the broad open spaces. They would drive us out to the 1802 stone farmhouse often on weekends to renovate the house with their own hard labor. And I suspect that Ban may have gotten the idea of owning agricultural land from his father who had bought two pieces of farmland in Palestine shortly before Ban left to go to college at the UC Berkley. In the 1960's and 70's Ban travelled often to Europe as a pipeline engineer for Mobile Oil. Both Virginia and Ban then brought their sons to Europe, including Switzerland, Holland and England and Spain. On at least one trip they met Ban's oldest son Tony in Switzerland where they rented a chalet for one month. Tony in his early 20s wold sometimes go off before sunrise to climb and hike in the Alps. There was one trip in which Ban brought Virginia back to the Middle East to meet his mother and his 8 sisters and two brothers. Virginia often told the story of when their plane landed in the airport (maybe in Amman, Jordan…or was it Beirut?) and taxied up to the terminal. They looked out the window as the plane rolled up to see a tremendous crowd of people on the tarmac. Virginia exclaimed to Ban, "What is that crowd!" admitting that she thought for a moment it was a demonstration of sorts. Ban said back to her, "Oh my God, it's my family!" When they stepped out of the plane onto the stairs, they saw an elderly woman in the center of the mass of people, and Ban said, "It's my Mother". It was Nazira. Ban had not returned from America for nearly 20 years (I think). Mother and son embraced, and as Ginny tells it, Nazira then turned immediately to embrace her. Ginny loved telling this story, and concluding it with, "Heck, if I hadn't seen my son for 20 years, I wouldn't let go of hugging him, even for his wife." She had a sense of humor! They spent some days in Amman (or was it maybe Beirut), and eventually then were driven to Damascus to visit more of the family there. When they arrived, they found a similar crowd, since all the relatives from the other nearby towns followed them there. Ginny tells how Nazira who did not speak English would sweetly tease Ginny by repeating the only two words that she had learned in Arabic, which were, "La, shukran" meaning "No, thank you". This was because everyone was constantly offering her food, sweets and drinks in the great hospitality of the Palestinian family. In the mid-1970's they had designed and built a beautiful Modern house in Armonk NY where they moved to. It was on a 22 acre lake called North Lake in Windmill Farms, which was shared with other homes. We sailed and fished and swam and skated on the Lake. Many of Ban's nieces and nephews, brothers and sisters, and friends came from other parts of the world to settle in North America, and they all came to Ban and Virginia's house first in New Rochelle and then even more so during the years living in Armonk. Virginia and Ban graciously welcomed so many dear relatives from the Qamar and Farah clans into the USA through their home. Virginia really deeply embraced every single relative of Ban's, and developed very caring and deep relations and friendships with them as they came to visit or emigrate to North America. They include Aunt Joharra who studied in the US, Uncle Issa who studied and immigrated, Uncle George and Aunt Siham who lived in the States in their later years, Aunt Mary and Uncle Gregory who immigrated with their grown children Grace (and Berge) Johnnie (and Clara) Philip (and Anaya) and Georgie after 1967. Ibrahim, Mona and Rula Qamar visited and found there a new home in America. Aunt Fahima, Kokab, Suhelia and others visited, as well as Fahima's sons, Nabil and Camille. We grew up with these dear cousins and they are like brothers and sisters to us. Other friends of Ginny and Ban were part of the family such as Bill Palmer senior and junior, and Victor Bisharat and his son Toby. Laurence's friend Jack also was close to Virginia and was often part of the festivities. Armonk became a place for heart warming family and friend reunions with Ban And Ginny who made great middle Eastern meals. Ban was the main chef, and Ginny usually stuck to the salads. During this time in the 1970's Virginia began to cut back on work and soon retired after her mother and father passed away. The flow of friends and relatives increased during these Armonk years. Virginia took a job for a couple of years in Stanford, CT but finally retired for good in the late 1970's. In 1989 Ban and Virginia made a big life change when they sold the house in Armonk and moved to Singer Island, Florida. They lived in a wonderful condominium on the 11th floor of Waterglades overlooking the Atlantic and the intra-coastal waterway. Virginia was 63 and Ban 72 when they moved, so they had some strong years ahead which they devoted to seeing their grandchildren in Connecticut and visits to family around the US like Tony, Kathleen and Muna in Seattle, and Issa and Rose in Texas, Laurence and Gerri in Colorado and later in Portland. Virginia and Ban loved their grandchildren, Lydia, Courtney, Grant, Muna and Aden. Throughout their lives they loved those children deeply. But a whole new era of family gatherings and reunions began in the mid-1990's perhaps starting at Laurence and Gerri's wedding in Pittsburgh in 1996. These reunions took place in great locations such as Florida, New Mexico, the San Juan's in Washington, Toronto, the Oregon Coast, and Williamsburg, Virginia. Virginia was perhaps the major force behind making sure these reunions took place. They were important for everyone. The cousins and aunts and uncles wanted to see Ban who was growing older into his late-70s and 80s. I know that a major motivation for Virginia and Ban was to see their grandchildren and to make strong memories for them with their dads (Robbie, Tony and Laurence), their Grandpa (Ban) and the whole loving Qamar/Farah family. Virginia was such as catalyst behind all these gatherings. The last of that string of family reunions was in Connecticut for Ban's memorial in 2008. Virginia's dearest love, deepest companion and beloved husband passed away at 91.5 years old. Virginia was 9 years younger than Ban. She was very health throughout her life. But the loss of Ban was profoundly sad for her. They were so united and intimate. They had friends together but Ginny's personal friendships were not quite enough to fill Ban's shoes. Ginny experienced some ongoing sorrow and grieving for years to come. At this time Bob remarried Dika, and they became very important to Virginia's support system. Laurence, Gerri and Aden were across the country in Portland. Rob and Dika could sometimes visit Ginny in Florida, but she no longer had the fortitude to travel across country to Portland. Laurence, Gerri and Aden made a commitment to spend every Christmas Holiday with Ban and Ginny in Florida, which they continued every year before and after Ban's passing. During these years we began noticing Virginia's forgetfulness. Her once great memory, knowledge, fortitude and concentration was slipping. Her friends at Waterglades were noticing and telling us of their concerns. Bob and Dika moved to Florida nearby Ginny in 2014. In 2016 her ability to care for herself and live alone was clearly past, so with her understanding and agreement she moved to the Stuart Lodge, an assisted living community in Stuart, FL near where Bob and Dika live. Two years later in 2008 we then moved her to Your Life of Stuart, a memory care in the same town. Bob and Dika were close by and able to visit her frequently. Laurence made on average 3 to 4 trips annually to spend every day of those three to five day trips with Virginia in her new communities. She has for the past few years struggled with effects of Alzheimer's which little by little has taken so much of her away already. Virginia in her last year lost most of her ability to speak, and became wheelchair bound. She remained sweet, calm and caring to others even in these last years and months. On October 22, 2020 we received the call that she was tested positive for Covid 19. By that afternoon she was experiencing serious symptoms, and by the following day was slipping into unconsciousness. It became clear to doctors that she was terminally ill, and so she was moved to hospice where she slipped into a coma. She has been kept calm and pain free as she has slowly moved through the process of leaving this life.