Beverly Burd Stubbee

When Bev Stubbee was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 85, she was told she could forego treatment and take a risk that the cancer would return, or go through chemo and radiation for a longer-term solution, even though there was no standard of care for someone her age. Her oncologist asked, “How long do you want to live?” And Bev said, with no hesitation, “100.” After that, she made it well known that she intended to hit the century mark.

She almost made it! On December 19, 2024, Beverly died at Croasdaile Village retirement community in Durham, NC, just weeks after celebrating her 99th birthday with family and friends.

Bev never looked her age and everybody told her so. She loved asking people to guess how old she was and would get a big kick out of their wrong answers. Her youthful appearance was, in part, because of her beautiful skin – she was never a sunbather and her skin was gorgeous to the end. She was often asked, “What’s your secret for a long life?” And she’d say, “Wheel of Fortune and a glass of wine.”

Beverly Jean Burd Stubbee was born on November 22, 1925 in Waterloo, Iowa. She was the first child of Harry Burd and Dorcas Lininger Burd. Her brother, Chuck, came along three years later and sister Suzie 25 years later. Her parents owned several businesses and her mom pushed the boundaries of what was expected of women, skills she passed on to her daughters. Bev was a good student and talented pianist, winning a music scholarship to Grinnell College. It was there she met her husband, Grover “Bud” Stubbee and they were married in 1947, after he returned from WWII after serving as a fighter pilot for the Army Air Force.

A feminist before the term existed, Bev pushed back on the dean at Grinnell when she was told her scholarship would be revoked because she had gotten married, with the dean stating that she assumed Grover would “take care of her.”

In a Grinnell alumni oral history interview recorded in 2018, Bev said, “I had to talk to the Dean of Women…she asked me some questions about leaving campus, and she said, "Well, is Mr. Stubbee planning to pay your tuition? And is he going to support you?" 'Cause in those days men supported women, you know? Women really - really didn't have careers. I think I was kind of a pioneer in that respect later and in life.” She successfully defended her case for keeping the scholarship and graduated from Grinnell in 1948.

That sense of fairness and the need to make things right was a Bev trademark. Not happy with a product? Write a letter to the CEO. Outraged at a newspaper photograph of working women in mini-skirts? Write a letter to the editor. Terrible customer service on a flight? Write a letter and ask for frequent flier miles. Bev was polite but determined and her well-crafted letters usually resulted in resolving whatever issue she was bringing to someone’s attention.

After they were married, Bev and Grover moved to Des Moines where their three children, Bill, Kirk and Melinda, were born. In the early 1960s, the family moved to Cedar Falls and Bev’s pioneering ways continued as she worked full-time outside the home. She started what would become a lifelong career in social services as a case worker in Blackhawk County. On weekends, Bev put her musical skills to work by playing the organ at churches in Cedar Falls and Waterloo.

Realizing she could have greater job opportunities with an advanced degree, the family moved again to Iowa City so Bev could get her Master’s in social work at the University of Iowa. After graduating, she went to work for the American Public Welfare Association in Des Moines. She and Grover divorced in 1974, and in 1975, when she was in her early 50s, she took a giant leap and moved outside her home state for the first time, to Washington, D.C. She worked in several roles as a foster care and adoption specialist and ultimately became a director in the Children’s Bureau in the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.

She spent a fair amount of time on the road, going from state to state to review federal funding for foster care and adoption services and she visited every state in the U.S. except Hawaii. In the early 80s, Bev became known for her work on what was described by the Christian Science Monitor as a “quiet revolution in children's services in the United States over the last decade.”  Bev was again a pioneer, advocating for meeting the needs of children over the desires of childless couples, which the article described as opening the door to finding permanent homes for thousands of children who previously were not eligible for adoption or considered hard to place.

Bev identified strongly as a social worker and believed there were few situations that couldn’t be improved with the intervention of one. She was easy to talk to, a good listener, empathetic and non-judgmental, excellent skills for a social worker and for a mom.

Bev loved living and working in Washington. She had a beautiful condo in the Kalorama neighborhood and a great circle of friends who enjoyed going to concerts and museums and traveling. She had a love of gardening and flowers and several of her trips included visits to famous parks and gardens. She enjoyed having family visit her and spent time going back to Iowa and visiting her kids and grandkids in California, Illinois and North Carolina and getting together for “Burd Do” family reunions. A favorite Thanksgiving trip for Bev and Melinda was New York City, where the two of them would shop, try new restaurants and listen to live music.

In 1990, Bev retired from the government and relocated to Durham, NC. She bought a lot in a new subdivision near Melinda and decided to tackle new construction, another first for her. Choosing all of the paint colors and finishes and building the garden beds at the house gave Bev a lot of joy and she loved sitting outside on her wisteria-covered deck. Her beautiful backyard became the location of Melinda’s wedding to David Mallette in 1994 and Melinda’s friends quickly became Bev’s friends. Beverly loved David (even though she didn’t appreciate him calling her ‘sweetie’ when he met her) and enjoyed having his parents close by when they moved to Durham in 1999.

Bev did consulting work after she retired and got involved in local social issues, including work on a Durham County task force to protect children from gun violence. She felt passionately about Democratic causes and candidates and wasn’t shy about letting you know where she stood on the issues. As they got older, Bev and her brother Chuck sparred frequently about politics, each staking out and holding firm to their positions. Music remained a passion and Bev could sit down and bang out a tune without thinking about it. Jazz was her favorite genre and a book about Herbie Hancock was always on her coffee table.

When home ownership started to get more challenging, Bev moved just down the road to the Croasdaile Village retirement community, where she lived independently until earlier this year. Part of her daily routine, until just a few months ago, was to get on the phone with her son Bill and do The New York Times crossword puzzle.

In February she moved to Croasdaile’s memory care unit, where she was loved by the staff (who called her Stubbs) and to whom she would sing the Iowa Corn Song on demand. The family wants to thank everyone at Croasdaile for the kind and compassionate care and support she has received over the last 13 years.

Bev is survived by three children and four grandchildren: son Bill, San Jose, CA, whose wife Helen passed away on Nov. 24, 2024, and his daughters, Elizabeth and Desiree; son Kirk, Wheaton, IL, and his wife Lisa Hausten and their children, Reid and Brooke; and daughter Melinda, who lives in Durham, NC with husband David Mallette. Also surviving Bev are her sister Suzanne Rodriguez and her husband Craig Roepke; Suzie’s daughters Ali Koppel and Francesca Bellamy; sister-in-law Loretta Burd and nephews Charles Burd, Brian Burd and Chris Burd. Bev also leaves behind nieces and nephews in the Leebens, Woodward and Stromquist families.

A memorial service in Iowa is planned for some time in 2025.