Benjamin Joseph Adams

Ben (Unbutton black shirt, reveal Tie Dye dress shirt) Ahh, Much better. I think the only thing louder than this shirt, was Bert. Dude was so loud. Like, louder than me. I loved it. Hi, For those of you who don't know me, I'm Nate Scott I went to Junior High, High School, and The University of Oregon with Ben. He was always interested in so many forms of art. So in his honor today I'd like to read a poem that I wrote with some additional words from some of his favorite lyricists like Hunter, Garcia, Marshall, and Trey. And I apologize if in this speech, I over reach, or if I start to preach, but not for when the tears inevitably breach. Because the mind has no say on affairs of the heart.1 So alas I'll start. BOP Completed 1/17/2020 It was just over a month ago when the news broke, A text from J.A. when I awoke, only 12 words long. (Exhale) and I knew it wasn't a joke. I screamed NO, NO, NO, starting a panic attack, how could he be the steam locomotive....rollin down the track. He's Gone? He's gone! And nothing's gonna bring him back. He's gone…2 The words "Hey, man Ben passed away" rang in my head for more than a day, and hurt like that of a stinging lash, every man rise from the ash. Each betrayal begins with trust, every man returns to dust.3 And the tears rolled on for days, I was lost, in a total daze a foggy haze, mind ablaze, a purple haze all around4…… feeling lost, like I'll never get out of this Maze. I'll never get out of this maze. A torrent of helplessness swept me away, to the cavern of shame, and a hall of dismay.5 And its still hard to believe he's gone even though I'm standing here today. I keep looking for the words... but it's still hard to know what to say. That's why I wrote this down as a rhyme. It was the only way I could think of to force out the next line. And it's messed up how growing old is a privilage denied to many. Look around this room....we're all here for you Bennie. And it kills me that we only get together like this when someone passes, imagine if we could all feel this much love before we're turned to ashes. Maybe we wouldn't need so many damn vices, we're hard on ourselves and are paying the prices. But humans are fragile and We need reminding sometimes. Our days are numbered before we're just wind in the chimes. But a stitch in time, does save nine, so tell someone you love them, before its to late, and time seals their fate. Pick up the phone, call home, send a text whatevers next, I beg you please take those steps, sans regrets. It's time to dig deep and find a way to laugh through the years, push through hardships taste the tears, and every time a birthday comes call your friend and sing a song, or whisper in their ear, or wright it down, just don't miss a year. With friendships, you decide what it contains, how long it goes, but this remains, the only rule is it begins, happy happy, ohhh my friend. All my friends come Backwards Down The Number Line, his just stopped at 39.6 So please realize that you don't get 1 life you actually get 2, the second one starts the day you figure out that you only get one, so what are you going to do? Looking around now at all our aged faces, with age comes wisdom, and the weight of life's paces. Just wondering how all this time has passed. Man I loved how he always showed up with a half full glass. He oozed positivity right up until the end, and we're all blessed to have called him a friend. And I don't think I ever heard him speak ill of another, and that's the difference between a friend and Ben who became a brother. Because blood is thicker than water, the whole things such a shame, no parent should outlive their son or daughter. So if you knew there was a time that he was deep in the weeds but couldn't at that time help meet his needs, its okay, please don't fret, time drifts us all apart, please don't let it eat at your heart. Because regret is usually a waste of time, so put it far into the back of your mind, and just be…. Kind. It's what Ben would want It's who he was. And life's to short for the coulda, woulda, shoulda's. Some people are just gonna make their own decisions regardless. It doesn't mean that you cared less. Fact is if your here today, you loved Ben and that's all there is to say. And he knew how much we all loved him, shoulda seen how happy he was at our 20-year-reunion. And you'll always be a part of him up there on his dance floor in The Divided Sky where the wind blows high.7 Dancing with Ocean, finally getting his piece of the pie, and surfing waves of never-ending splendor,8 so please remember, to pack your mind with thoughts like these, because in life the only thing that can't be stolen are our memories. So hold them tight and keep them fond, just don't blink twice because we'll all be gone. But Ben left us way to soon, just speaking now rips at an open wound. He left us here Standing On The Moon. Now every concert will have an empty space where he should be Bouncing Round The Room.9 And we're all left feeling sad and blue. A lovely view of heaven but we'd rather be with you. Rather be with you. But, life is tough and we saw your battle wage below, we saw your soldiers come and go, one that someone had planted long ago. Crimson, white, and indigo, indigo.10 But its hard to fight when you have a disease. You can swing your sword every day like Rutherford the Brave8 and still end up brought to your knees. Properly motivated or not he was an unstoppable force. So please set a recourse on your remorse for things undone or unsaid, at the end of the day every man chooses his own bed. So lets blow the horn now, and tap the tamborine, close the gap on the dark years in between. He's lost now on the country miles in his Cadillac, I can tell by the way you smile he is rolling back.11 I remember him in 94' Rocking a dead shirt in the hall he was probably 6 2 but to me he seemed 7 feet tall, larger than life, the life of the party, rarely in life do you find someone that hearty. And ohh the way he gave a hug. Arms wrapped tight you just knew you were loved, it's like they were their own drug. And he gave them so freely maybe that's how he got the nick name "Touchy Feely." So many good times that he gave us, it's hard to scratch the surface. But I'm going to hold onto those thoughts with a dedicated purpose. Like how he taught me to listen to music and not just to hear it, that was just one part of his beautiful spirit. An old friend recently said that music was the glue that held Ben together12, tragic in the end it wasn't a big enough of a tether. He had an entire summer spent surfing once and learning to surrender to the flow,8 and he told me those were absolute his best days, so thanks to Primiano. A brother, an uncle, a surfer, a musician, an artist, and a hell of friend, call him what you want just don't let the good feelings end. Because now he's smiling at us from a picture frame, our life's will change once we leave this space, but his will stay the same, Ben I Miss You, so many moments that we should have shared. And the days will turn to years and the hurt hasn't stopped, I miss you, the memories we shared I will never forget, no I will never forget, I miss you, there's a hole in my heart that will never be filled, and this should all get easier, but it probably never will. I'll float through the days and the long lonely nights, Seeing your face in people in the street13. Ben, one day again we'll meet, and we can dance our asses off with the music up to 11. You're all invited there's plenty of room on Ben's dance floor in heaven. Ben, I miss you, I miss you. Our times together are something that will always treasured, and that silver cord which bound together our kindred hearts will never be severed. Rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him. A nine mile skid on a ten mile ride, hot as a pistol but so cool inside, cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile. Nothin left to do but smile, smile, smile. 2 Lastly, a shout out to those I know wish could be here today; Parker, Bocci-Conrad, Tortoricci, Boddie Eastman, Collier, Messick, Erica, Frank, Minor, Ted, and Carson just to name a few, don't worry you're all here in spirit, to help us carry him through. And a special thanks to Jessie for letting me speak, but I think its time now I return to my seat, holding my head high, while I continue weep. And if in the coming days you over here me say "I'm OK", Please know I lied. Benjamin Joseph Adams, I'll see you on the other side. (Snap out) Thank You 1. OK GO, "Writings on the Wall" 2. Grateful Dead, "He's Gone" 3. Phish, "Farmhouse" 4. Jimi Hendrix, "Purple Haze" 5. Phish, "Maze" 6. Phish, "Backwards Down the Number Line" 7. Phish, "The Divided Sky" 8. Phish, "Lizards" 9. Phish,"Bouncing Round the Room" 10. Grateful Dead, "Standing on the Moon" 11. Grateful Dead, "Cassidy" 12. Max Sokol 13. Phish, "Miss You"