Ruth Clarkson Duffy nee Matson

Sandra's Comments About Mom Mom was my first teacher. I may not have always learned or agreed on the lesson or suggestion, but I learned to appreciate (most of the time) the love with which they were given. Mom took her role of mother seriously, practicing that mothering until almost her last breath. After I became an adult, she tried to cloak her lessons and suggestions in subtlety - but her subtlety needed some work - because you could see those "suggestions" coming a mile away. She subscribed to that old adage "mother knows best". So, I learned to say "ok, Mom", "right Mom" and occasionally ‘Mom, stop" and I learned to laugh about it…had to because her pursuit of mothering lasted her whole life through. To say that Mom had high expectations was a bit of an understatement. But even when I may have disappointed, I absolutely knew that her unconditional love was still right there. And there was no doubt that she was proud of us. She gave us many gifts; care, concern, interest, laughter, encouragement. These are just a few of them. But, the most important gift Mom gave me was the comfort of that unconditional love. Mom also cared about my friends and was always happy to have a house full of them She maintained an interest in hearing about them all of her life. Mom was nothing, if not persistent. When picking up our rental car in Copenhagen, they came out with a 2-door vehicle rather that the four door we requested They brought up several cars, all 2 doors. Mother was not happy, and she made that known. After all, right is right. We had ordered 4 doors and by gosh that was what we should get. Meanwhile, Mike, Jim and I were standing a bit away at that point, pretending we were not with her. But that persistence paid off. When they realized that she was not going to give up, we ended up with a brand new 4 door BMW for our journey. Mom loved a road trip. She was a fearless (read aggressive) driver and that applied to her backseat driving as well. For example, on a trip to Oregon, Mom insisted that I drive over the Siskiyou mountains in a snowstorm (didn't do it). On another driving trip she insisted I should continue driving through a torrential, blinding rainstorm (didn't do that either). Mom drove until she was 93, often picking up friends for a meeting or lunch. But I know (because they told me) that her driving made them a bit nervous because she was prone to hugging the right side of the road a bit too closely in those later years. We also had 3 wonderful trips to Sweden and Scandinavia together Mom was "spunky". She rose to life's challenges and stood her ground. Mom had a great sense of humor and could be quite playful. She liked to laugh. Maybe I learned that from her because I like to laugh too. Although the laughter and humor did not come as easily for her in the last few years, she still tried. She could still laugh at funny story or try to be humorous herself. Mom truly never met a stranger. She had a knack for making friends, and she had many. A 15-minute visit to the grocery store was always at least an hour or more because Mom struck up a conversation with everyone she saw. Mike mentioned that Mom loved to shop, and boy did she. I think the staff in Macy's knew her by name. She could spend hours, and I mean hours, there. When she was living with us, shopping at Macy's was one of her favorite activities. I tried going with her for a while but those 4 plus hour visits to Macy's were not my thing. So, she continued to shop with her caretaker. I had to give her a time I was picking her up though because who knew when she might decide she was done. Mom had many positive character traits - honesty; compassion; bravery; curiosity; loyalty; generosity of self; integrity; kindness; conscientiousness; good humor. These traits were evident in the way in which she conducted her life. There was never a question that we could always count on her love and support. How fortunate we have been. She could also be stubborn, opinionated, and single minded - just you try to change her mind about something. She was also a champion worrier, no make that a champion over-worrier - a trait she so generously shared with her children. Of course, she was not so perfect as this sounds. Who is? But I can say that without a doubt, Mom was a good person; a good mother; a good friend; someone who wanted only the best for you; someone you could count on to try to lift you up when you were down; someone who would advise or suggest when she felt you needed it; someone who cared a great deal about all of us who occupied "her" world; and someone to enjoy the good times with you when they came around. Nothing pleased her more than to be with her family and friends. I was always so impressed with her commitment to staying connected to family and friends - visits, phone calls, notes, letters - and not just now and then, but often. She kept this up for as long as she was able to and fretted about it when she was no longer up to it. I know all these traits helped her to be the person she was to us, and to cope with the heartbreak and challenges that she had to face during her journey here. She gave us so much and had a spirit for life that could not be diminished. Mom expressed many times of late that she was ready to go. She was tired. I think her only regret about leaving this life behind was that she would no longer be here to keep an eye on things. So, although I am sad that my mother's physical presence is missing from my life and I can no longer pick up the phone to call her or stop in for a visit, I am happy for her. She has been given her wish and is at peace. She has earned that. I am not sure that we, her family of children grandchildren, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends, truly understand the depth of Ruth's love and commitment to us. But, for her, and for her love, I am truly thankful. And I am thankful to all of you for loving my mother, Ruth. She will be missed. Lovingly, Ruth's daughter, Sandra