Tom Fay

Thomas Stephen Fay, Ed.D, led a very full, and purposeful, life! He died peacefully, at age 79, with family by his side and under the compassionate care of dedicated staff at United Helpers in Canton, NY. 

 

Tom’s example and encouragement enriched and shaped the lives of countless family, extended family, friends, student–athletes, and colleagues who remain. He is irreplaceable. 

 

Tom was born to Theodore and Elizabeth Bernath Fay, and lived in the North Country community of Mooers, NY, in 1946. Five years later, the family moved to the historic Finger Lakes town of Moravia, where his parents—both public school educators and coaches—instilled in Tom and his younger brother, Ted, a strong work ethic and values of respect, fairness, inclusion, and equity. Best friend Jim Greenfield and other neighborhood kids began their dreams of becoming future sports stars in the family backyard, under the watchful eye of “The Commissioner” (their mother). So many gathered there for pick-up games, so often, that this patch of grass was eventually memorialized as “Fay Field.” 

 

Tom was an accomplished high school athlete, National Merit Scholar, and Eagle Scout. Senior year, he helped lead/captain the football, basketball, and baseball teams to a clean sweep of each respective Cayuga County League Championship. He then followed his parents’ footsteps, becoming the third Fay to excel at nearby Ithaca College, where he was not only a Dean’s List major in physical education and a three-sport athlete (football, basketball, baseball)—who also “lettered” in golf. 

 

After graduation, in 1968, Tom returned to his North Country roots, working as a public school physical education teacher while earning a M.Ed. from St. Lawrence and serving as a graduate assistant coach. He soon joined the faculty as full-time instructor of elementary physical education and head varsity baseball coach. Later hats included defensive coordinator for the football team, assistant basketball coach, summer sports camps director, and chair of the Department of Sport & Leisure Studies. It was also at SLU that he met the love of his life, Pamela Sherburne. 

 

Tom was big on manners but allergic to hierarchy and formality. Students, athletes, and colleagues alike affectionately called him “T. Fay,” or simply “Coach.” T. Fay was always energetic about new adventures. He took a sabbatical—moving to Boston with Pam and his firstborn, then a toddler—to continue his studies at Boston University, earning a Doctorate of Education. Fun fact: they lived at Milton Academy, during this time, and were house parents to the current Governor of Illinois, J. B. Pritzker.

 

Another fun fact: T. Fay had a passion for flying and became a certified pilot! He got a part-time job flying small Cessna aircraft, allowing him to enjoy the landscapes of the northeast and Canada. Though he let that license lapse after starting a family, professional commitments kept T. Fay on the move—and he rarely passed through an airport without encountering someone he knew. 

 

T. Fay’s well-known lack of concern with accolades rarely stopped others from celebrating his accomplishments. Though his handwriting was comically illegible, and his notes and memos overly punctuated, Tom’s contributions to publications and state health and phys ed guidelines advanced momentum around cooperative play, student-centered learning, and lifelong fitness. One of his most treasured roles was a presidential cycle with the NY State Association for Health, Physical Education, Recreation and Dance, an organization that later presented him with a lifetime service award for enduring impact at local, state, and collegiate levels. T. Fay’s baseball teams won 522 games, a total likely to stand atop the Saints' record of all-time coaching wins forever. His legendary coaching career is honored in the university’s Athletics Hall of Fame, and the baseball field bears his name. 

 

Above all these highlights, T. Fay’s greatest joy was family. An incredible father to Tawnya (Greg Switzer) and Melinda (Anthony Arist), he encouraged effort, curiosity, teamwork, and growth, without undue emphasis on the score. Tom adored his grandchildren—Marcel, Pierce, Abigail, and Ryan—delighting in their endless energy and the distinct qualities that made each of them “a character.” Whether it was staring contests, back scratches, the cold waters of New England, or even a memorable “floss” dance-off, T. Fay was always there—fully present, ready to play, and creating joyful memories his grandchildren will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

 

Tom loved exploring beautiful places, especially Canada, Australia, New Zealand, and the Caribbean islands. He and Pam also shared memorable adventures in Hawaii and Alaska. Always active, Tom enjoyed running, hiking, skiing, and even the 1990s rollerblade craze. Golf was his most enduring joy. A talented and dedicated player, Tom appreciated the game as a personal challenge of player against self, every bad shot as an opportunity to reset and move calmly forward. He recorded his first hole-in-one at age 72, on the seventh hole at the St. Lawrence University Golf Course, with characteristic modesty and humor.

 

No compounding of mileage, overscheduling, discomfort, or inconvenience could keep Tom Fay from showing up, physically and emotionally—upbeat, drinking coffee, and ready for everything, no excuses. He celebrated others’ joys and offered quiet support in moments of heartbreak. His positive attitude, steady encouragement, compassionate ear, and “get-it-right” guidance will be missed and remembered by everyone he mentored and loved. 

The family invites you to support St. Lawrence athletics or a local youth sports program, and to keep these “T. Fayisms” in your pocket:

 

1.  Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk. 

2.  Do your very best. On every “field” you play on.

3.  Keep an eraser on your pencil. Forgive. Get it right. 

4.  Be prepared, but be flexible. There will be weather.

5.  Catch up—preferably while playing catch—with people you love, and people who need you in their lives. Every chance you get.