Miles Denman

I've known Miles since I was 5 years old. From that age we started out playing together starting with hide and seek, building dens and climbing trees progressing later to playing football, rugby, swimming, mucking around and finding mischief. It was a golden time. As we grew older we also began to ponder what lay ahead in life and the memory of us both sitting on a bench on New Years Eve in 1989 puzzling over what it would be like as the decade changed into the 90s will stay with me forever. Moments like that always do. As we grew older and university beckoned we started to have less contact as often happens but as always happens with close friendships we knew that we would also be there for each other when and if needed. It was also always nice to be able to keep track of his life through his Mum, Olwen, who remains a close family friend. We were always able to drop each other a quick message here and there but contact properly returned about 6 or so years ago and the contact between then and now is something I will be eternally grateful for. I want to share something with people reading this and that is that I can relate to Miles so much because I'm also a person who drank too much - albeit that I'm recovering from that slowly. Quite a coincidence to have that in common with your childhood friend but as they say 'birds of a feather flock together'! Perhaps we sensed that in each other from the start. So I can understand that Miles was a person with layer upon layer of self-defence mechanisms built up over time to deal with life and it's this unconscious self-protection that's put in place to cover up some invisible pain which can spill out in many different and sometimes negative ways. Drinking too much is something that happens because it seems to provide you with a solution to life and unfortunately that coping solution inevitably turns in on itself. But no one asks to be a person who drinks too much. I don't remember myself or Miles' hands shooting up in class when a teacher asked what we wanted to be in the future... To start with it makes you feel better and you have fun, you’re more open and sociable, you’re more confident. But then the fun starts to drop and it becomes fun with consequences. Not long after there is no more fun - just consequences. Your solution to coping with life and whatever underlying hurt you feel deep inside starts to become the problem. And that is a very complicated conundrum. I put this here because I want everyone to try to understand that some of the negative behaviours weren’t Miles' fault - they weren’t even really him - and that needs to be distinguished. But it’s a very hard distinction to make. But the fact remains that the person that sometimes appeared wasn't him. The real Miles lay underneath where he was still the fun, free, life-loving, gentle, kind person that I first met. That's the person I’m sure that Lori fell in love with. But - for whatever reason – he was a person who, as much as he loved other people, could never quite love himself and with that comes various reflexes because you feel you don’t deserve anything good. Sometimes it’s the most gentle and sensitive of souls who find life the hardest. Miles should be remembered for his love of nature as much as for his love of science, for his fascination with the galaxy and its meaning. He was a person who was able to enjoy the music of Iron Maiden as much as he did Bob Dylan or Tom Petty. He should be remembered for his generosity and kindness of heart and for all the good that he brought to this world and that he leaves behind. That incredible man and the childhood friend who I will never forget will finally feel able to let his defences go and let his guard down completely. He will want everyone to wrap their arms around Lori and Logan and help them as he would have wanted to do himself if he were able. Miles – rest peacefully. Trust me buddy, you do deserve that.