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Memorial Keepers(1)
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Molly Stranahan
Mark Stranahan
January 30th, 1957 - December 30th, 2020
January 30th, 1957 - December 30th, 2020
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Gaia Swan
I'm going to keep this real. He was not a perfect man. Our partnership was a privilege of love, emotional intimacy and shared dreams. I'm going to illuminate what Mark told me were his insights, his challenges and his plans in the last three and a half years of his life. He had a vision of a happier future. He had organized changes he shared with me as his intimate partner. He told me about significant episodes in his life. He made his first priority working on a clear path out of his own messy traps. He had loaded his future with contentment. His inner work had germinated seeds of optimism. Beginning: Here is a story of a gifted man that I loved. Mark was emotionally sensitive in the extreme. His were enormous capacities and intensities. They encompassed intellectual, emotional, creative, and physical appetites. Quirky and eccentric, brilliant and unsure of himself, he embodied contradictions: both rebellious and shy, outrageous and inhibited. A wicked prankster, yet he was easily bruised. Mark had an insatiable hunger for knowledge, with an intensely engaging temperament. He was very friendly, approaching every stranger with a potent curiosity, generosity and kindness. Mark was a gifted thinker who at the same time lived in a state of anxiety about making errors. He was driven to excellence and had high ethical concerns. He served others' needs before his own, making him a doting, devoted and highly engaged father, but an inchoate, inauthentic, at times codependent partner. Suffering: Imagine beginning life with cryptorchidism (undescended testicles), a birth defect. From infancy he endured periods of isolation. He was deprived of nurturing: A young boy in an institutional setting. I don't know the exact number of operations, but they were invasive and uncomfortable. In that span of eleven years, he acquired a loss of safety, bodily shame, and a disquietude with himself. The seeds of his lifelong episodes of clinical depression and generalized anxiety found fertile ground in these early traumas and other harmful influences. Attachment: Mark would often say he was an Attachment person… a "yes" person. He reflexively responded to shared experiences in ways that fostered connection. He endured punishing experiences to preserve emotional bonds. Mark was adaptable, not confrontational. His harrowing early life conditioned him with certain animal responses that imprinted themselves into his nervous system. Chief of these animal responses to danger were "freeze" and "submit". He was immersed in risk factors for codependency. Though he experienced many traumas and had trepidations about his early influencers, he still became morally aligned. When remarking on his battered personal boundaries, he said, "the thing about boundaries is… I should have some". This was his great inner tension: how to grow in independence and personal agency while investing in matters of the heart. How would he differentiate his wants and needs from others'? His was a crisis of authenticity. Renouncing: Mark had many opportunities as a young man to indulge in excesses: alcohol and drugs were accessible at an early age. Extreme situations saturated him. Indulging his freedom and privilege distorted his growth. Hence, a DWI arrest plus possession of a controlled substance caused court entanglements. Recovery brought Mark back to Michigan, where he'd lived as a youngster. His academic achievements at the U of M (B.S. and M.S Architecture & Urban Planning) were prominent in redefining his sense of self-worth and competency. But first there was Recovery, and his tendency to submit in relationships. Addiction recovery required inner reserves, but he hadn't reckoned with his impulse to rescue others. Mark said he was oppressed by a notion of "something bad happening to children". He put his plans on hold. He never intended to settle in Michigan. The intention to return out West was a conscious one that persisted in him, a fervent wish. Mindfulness: Mark was a strong believer and committed participant in trauma-based psychotherapy. His psychotherapeutic work had uncovered those traits that triggered his collapsed state: his developmental wounds, his ambivalence in partnerships, and his lack of refusal skills. Personal traps he'd lain by submitting to others' will… those were trauma triggers. He was easily reactivated by trauma-related events, causing fragmentation of a unified sense of self. Yet, he became determined to be conscious in relationships, and not to dissociate. He guided himself to arousal awareness, the "feel" of traumatic stress. We shared a couples' psychotherapy to reintegrate the disowned parts of our personalities… the parts that traumas had claimed and drove us to harmful behaviors and bad choices. We'd grown out of our scripts and mechanisms that had reinforced our damaged parts. In our wiser minds, we took back our mics. This was hard, but powerful and gratifying work. It brought us closer. It engendered a common vision and desire to settle in Washington. Though one could view the abrupt cancellation of such progress as a tragedy, I am simply grateful he authenticated his attachment to me and accepted my love in return. He basked in it, drew strength from it. The memory of his happiness in his final year will sustain me over my time of bereavement.
Magda Grobner
I didn't know Mark well, but I did have the opportunity to jam with him, Karen, and my husband, in our stinky basement on more than one occasion. There I was, a complete novice wannabe drummer, struggling just to maintain a simple steady rock beat, and there was Mark, repeatedly breaking into extended, rock god style, lead guitar riffs. I was completely out of my depth. Not surprisingly, the band (using the term loosely) didn't last long, but to this day, when I think of Mark, I see him with a guitar in his hands, wailing away. Rock in peace, Mark! To Mason, Max, Karen, Brie, and all of Mark's loved ones that I haven't met - I have no words to ease your pain. I can only offer my sincere sympathy, and hope that as time passes, grief fades and memories persevere.
Kent Bullard

Zipping around Aspen in winter with the Jeep, scouting for for hitchhikers and not getting any takers. Mark thought this was great fun.
Joanna Hastings
Mark was my friend. He was many other things - board member, parent at our school - and through all of it he was my friend. His loss leaves a gap that can't be filled. Thank you, dear Mark, for countering crisis with empathy, bureaucracy with subversion, mundanity with laughter, burdens with playfulness, and for bringing depth of thought to every conversation. I will miss you forever. With love, Joanna
Renee Shelton
Mark... an amazing force of intelligence, story telling, love, intensity, inspiration. He is an irreplaceable part of our family. John and I, along with our girls, will miss and love him forever. See you again my friend in the great beyond.
Gaia Swan
Intensity -for Marcos One architect Two homes Three wives Four children. His parts, his gears, his machinations, Embodied with perfection, his energy exists in many forms. Wantonly, he converts from one form to another, With a lust for every form, every scintilla. His precision, the Sea His ethics, the River His conserving, the Mountain His vision, the Fire. ‘Agape' as vast as the Sky is his. With his fatherly love of the Clouds. See him now? He caresses each one tenderly. Each Cloud a temporal mirror into his engendering soul. His creativity, the Sun His philosophy, the Moon His intellect, the Planets His absence, the Stars. -Gaia Swan Integrity - For Marcos Every quibbling debate internal, All flaring arguments of parts, Are sparrows chattering their complaints. Each is separate and understood only partly. Yet vivid ideology is tightly held in you, Bound in creeping tendrils, fern fiddleheads, Integrated, and all parts harmonized as river stones. Freshets of wit brimming the banks in joyous sprays. Let all your wisdom be thrust up. Forced as mushrooms in the gloaming. Become the generative human form untied to harshness. Forgiving of wounds. Disassembling all grievance. True whole individual… as Dawn, bringing light, You are our gift of seeing: Illuminating our souls' repast. At home with a question. -Gaia Swan
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