It is with great sadness that we announce the passing of Lawrence Howard Coy (Larry Coy) on December 18, 2020, at The Californian of Santa Barbara, where he had lived for several years. Larry was 76 years old.
Larry was born on leap year, February 29, 1944, in Santa Barbara. He spent his childhood in Santa Barbara, including at the Trout Club on San Marcos Pass where he developed a deep love of nature. He was in the first graduating class of San Marcos High School, where he was a gifted athlete, and graduated from UCSB with a degree in Sociology in 1966. From 1966-1968 he and his wife, Susan, were Peace Corps Volunteers in Venezuela, where he became fluent in Spanish, a language he loved and continued to speak the rest of his life. His first child, Adriana, was born in Caracas, Venezuela in 1968. His second child, Matt, and second daughter, Amy, were born in Santa Barbara.
Larry was a probation officer and director of the Juvenile Hall in Santa Barbara, counseling and guiding many young men and women. He later became a Realtor and property developer, selling property throughout the state of California, and frequently volunteered at the Santa Barbara Visitor Center before retiring due to health issues.
Larry leaves his loving children, Adriana (Tim) Stavish, Matthew (Dani) Coy and Amy Lee Coy (John, dec.) Bardi; his former wife and longtime friend Susan Scolastico; his grandchildren, Anthony (Aubry) Coy, Bradley Coy (dec.), Dylan Stavish, Allison Stavish, and Bennett Coy; his great-grandson, Alexander Coy; and his sister, Cathy (Don, dec.) Adams and her two daughters, Laura and Heather.
Larry’s family would especially like to thank the wonderful staff of The Californian of Santa Barbara skilled nursing facility, where he was kindly cared for in the last years of his life until his passing.
Larry was a kind, caring, and creative man, known for his innovative ideas, sense of humor, and ability to weather difficult situations with grace. He was much loved and will be very missed by friends and family.
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About |
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| Name | Lawrence (Larry) Howard Coy |
| Date of Birth | February 29th, 1944 |
| Date of Death | December 18th, 2020 |
| Home Town | Santa Barbara, CA, US |
| Favourite Saying | Kindness - Pass it on! Embrace Our Similarities, Celebrate Our Differences, Be Bold; Go Forth |
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Family |
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| Parents | Charles Coy, Elinor Meyer |
| Grand-Parents | Alice Dixon, Harry Meyer, Marie Miller, William Coy |
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Matt, you certainly were passed the kindness gene from your dad. Thank you for sharing him with those of us who did not get to meet him. I still have the card he sent through you to us at work, all about kindness and being a thoughtful person. Thinking of you and your family as your hearts continues to heal.
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Thank you so much, Mary! I appreciate hearing that Dad was impactful to others, even those he did meet in person. I can only strive to live his example of how to treat people as best I can... but he is a hard act to follow :)
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published a tribute .
I have enjoyed reading these wonderful memories of Larry. As his son, Matt, commented, "everybody became Dad's friend." I knew Larry only a few days, but he quickly became my friend. He and my Dad were roommates at the Californian a few times, and they had a lot of similarities, not least their wry sense of humors :) I met Larry during Dad's final stay at the Californian. Dad was gravely ill, and Larry comforted all of us with his kindness, insight, and good humor. He was a tremendous support to us and to our Dad, who was comforted knowing Larry was always nearby, day or night. It's not a coincidence that the week my siblings and I met Larry at the California was Random Acts of Kindness week. I still have the "KINDNESS Pass it on!" flyer he gave to me, and I am still trying to live up to the loving kindness he extended to us. During that time, Larry was like an angel from heaven, and now he is an angel in heaven. He was so proud of all his kids and grandkids. I am very sorry for your loss.
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Thank you so much for this beautiful message, Karen. It's so great to know that my Dad was a comfort to yours, and that you all got to know each other a little bit. Dad wrote to me about your Dad when he passed, giving me a little bio (he was very impressed with Andy) and saying they had become friends, and "we got along good in that his sense of humor was "Coy-like" (oh boy!). He also said that he really liked all of Andy's family as well. So, there was obviously a special bond that was created, and I'm grateful that our fathers had the opportunity to get to know each other. Thank you again for sharing!
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published a tribute .
Larry was a great guy...he gave me wonderful advice. I was quoting him just the other day. Larry always told me to keep other people's s#*t off my plate" I passed Larry's advice on the other day to someone who needed to clean their plate. I know how much he loved nature and I am glad he can hike the forests in heaven with ease once again. I know the last years of his life were a struggle physically, so it is a blessing for him to be set free and back to our true energy source. Thanks Larry for all your advice. I will forever pay it forward to others who need to hear your wise words! Your Lady of the Forest:)
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published a tribute .
I am very sorry to hear the said news of Larry’s passing. Please pass on our sympathy to Larry’s family. I knew Larry in High School and college. We used to participate nearly every weekend in “pick up “ sports at Peabody Elementary school grounds. Larry participated in my wedding (Jan Frazier and Norman Mackenzie 9-5-75). He was a great friend. In 1976 Jan & I moved to the Bay Area working with Del Monte for 30 years traveled the world, including 5 years living in Asia.We last saw Larry at Del Monte’s first reunion. We have two daughters who became AQH equestrians,in’s As a side operation .we be came Quarter horse breeders, with numerous world champions. Jan and the girls accomplished all this.
Again we want to pass on our prayers to Larry’s family. They were certainly good times
Love always,
Norm
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Norm, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your memories of our Dad. You were a good friend to him. We hope you will be able to join us for our virtual Memorial on February 28 (info above).
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published a tribute .
My father Andrew Boush shared a room with Larry at the Californian 3 times for a few weeks to a month each time over the past few years when my dad was there to recover after a few injuries. They became good friends very quickly as they liked to discuss their many shared interests and stories, and they had a similar sense of humor and outlook on life.
Most recently they shared a room together before my dad passed away in February 2020.
During the week before my dad passed away, my sisters and I got to spend some time with Larry and we are very grateful to have known him even if only for a week.
Larry was very funny, passionate about life, always interested in others, and driven to make the world a happier and more loving place. Larry had a deep, infectious laugh and a huge heart and this was evident in so many ways. For example, by his pay it forward lotto ticket fliers, to which I joked that the tickets he gave me were broken because I never won any money and he teased back that it wasn’t the tickets but rather me that was broken.
Larry was a big support to my father and our family up until my dad took his very last breath. He was so genuine, and the world and everyone in it was much better for having known him. Larry will be missed and we will never forget him!
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David, thank you so much for sharing your memories and the experiences you had with Dad. I am so glad you had playful fun with him (he liked you very much), and grateful that he was also able to help comfort your family in your father's final days. What a wonderful thing for both of our families.
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published a tribute .
Larry was a rennaissance man; down to earth and way out with the alien world. I met Larry during healing episiodes at the Californian and will always remember how optimistic he was. I will miss him.
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Thank you, Victoria. You brightened up his days when you were at the Californian, and he loved the connection with Amy. We will miss him indeed.
published a comment .
Larry (Buster) Coy was my cousin. My family used to visit them at the Trout Club. Larry and Cathy just amazed me when they used to dive off those gigantic boulders into a pool when we were all very young. He had such a fun personality even then
Jill, thanks for sharing! Dad was definitely adventurous and fun-loving!
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published a tribute .
Larry interviewed me in a park in 1975 for a job at the Villa Esperanza Counseling and Education Center, Santa Barbara Probation.
He hired me and we worked together for only a few months until he told me he was leaving the "Villa" because he was promoted to Director of Santa Barbara Juvenile Hall. I cried.
I finally worked with a boss who respected and appreciated me.
Larry nicknamed me Wonder Woman.
Larry always made me feel special.
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Pamela, thank you for sharing your story and memories of Dad. He definitely had a way of making people feel special, with kindness and respect, and your story is a great example of that.
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published a tribute .
It's hard to believe that it's been more than 50 years since we all lived on the corner of San Pasqual & Carrillo when Adriana and Butch were babies. About a year ago Margaret Saxe and I were discussing mutual friends and we both felt that Larry had had a positive impact on our lives. He was funny and a good friend. When Larry returned to town, I got to play in the Sunday softball beer league with him on the Timm Construction team. As usual, it was a blast to be around him again. Both Dottie and I believe the world is a little darker without him.
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Thank you for your kind words, John. You were a good friend to him, and we all enjoyed spending time with your family.
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My Dad was a character. Don't just take it from me, it's something I hear frequently when people talk about him. He was funny (he called it "Coy humor" and those who know us both can understand where I get my sense of humor), he was kind, but also he was probably the smartest man I knew. Dad was constantly cooking up some idea for a business, or a charity, or just to help a friend with a personal problem (and everybody became Dad's friend).
Recently, I was visiting Dad in the hospital and I could tell he was worried. What he was facing was scary, but relatively routine, however I was pretty sure he didn't think he would make it through the procedure. Despite the situation, it was a pretty great visit -- first, I was able to physically touch him for the first time in months due to COVID restrictions. He later thanked me for being the "hand of comfort" to him, which made me very glad to be there for him.
Second, we got to talk a lot about life, and he especially wanted to hear about what I had "taken" from him growing up and in my life. Oh boy, that was heavy, but I was so glad looking back that we had that conversation just weeks ago. So, I wanted to share some of those things that Dad has influenced in my life:
A DEEP LOVE OF NATURE: Through the many camping, hiking, fishing trips we took to beautiful places in California, Dad shared his appreciation and connection to nature. Even now, when I have the chance to be in the tall trees of a forest, or next to a mountain stream, I feel connected to my Dad and my childhood, and more at peace than at any other time.
A SENSE OF JUSTICE & EQUALITY: Dad was a bit of an enigma -- a man who joined the Peace Corps, and then went into juvenile law enforcement when he was back in the States. He taught me that justice is important, but his philosophy was one of progressive rehabilitation and reintegration, not just incarceration and punishment. He tried to meet his wards where they lived, to help both his understanding of them and their understanding of him. He truly wanted them to succeed, and designed programs to give "his" young men and women new chances to be productive members of society. He also taught me that everyone has value, and I don't remember ever hearing him put people down for their "differences" -- this sense of equality and acceptance of others carries with me.
KINDNESS TOWARDS OTHERS: Throughout his life, his kindness extended to his friends, business associates, and family. He always tried to be helpful, regardless of the outcome for himself. As an example, while living at the Californian skilled nursing facility, Dad started a "Random Act of Kindness" club. He would have me buy loads of lottery tickets, and he would pass them out when he saw someone being kind (and, I suspect, any time he thought someone else needed a boost). He would hand them a sheet of paper, encouraging the recipient to pass on the kindness, and included the words "Embrace our similarities, celebrate our differences, and be bold; go forth." Dad also spent time working with many of the facility staff to teach them to improve their English conversational skills. He would hold classes, and sometimes I would hear about their appreciation for his efforts. I can only aspire to be as kind to others as my Dad, but I have appreciated his examples throughout life.
THE COURAGE TO TRY NEW THINGS: I, like my Dad, have moved many times to new and unfamiliar places and endeavors (especially when I was younger). I credit my willingness to leap into things without much fear that things won't work out somehow to my Dad. The thing is, it doesn't always work out, and that's ok. On to the next idea, right Dad?
These are just a few things I have taken from my Dad. Towards the end, when I asked him why he was saying some complimentary things to me that seemed a little out of the blue, I asked him why. He said, "I don't want to leave unsaid anything that indicates that the world is at least a little bit better now than when I arrived."
Well, Dad -- the world is a better place for having had you in it. I promise you that. And it will miss you terribly, as will I.
Your loving son,
Matt
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published a comment .
Larry was a very good friend of mine. He was like a mentor when my partner (Deb) and I started Coastal Properties (back then early days known as Coastal Getaways Realty). He was so seasoned in real estate and development and was just a great person to be around - teaching all the time. He was one of the few people when our Compnay started to be kind a polite, and a year or two later he hung his real estate license with our Company. He and I worked together for a long, long time and enjoyed golf and fishing outings on many occasions. His warm personality and caring demeanor will be missed.
Thank you for sharing your memories, Gary. Dad really admired you, and I know he enjoyed his relationship with you over the years. You were always a great friend.
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published a tribute .
DEAR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, LARRY WAS MY CLASSMATE, FELLOW ATHLETE AND FRIEND IN THE INITIAL DAYS OF SAN MARCOS HIGH, UP ON THE RIVIERA CAMPUS ,1959.ALWAYS A CONSIDERATE, HAPPY BUT SOFT SPOKEN YOUNG GENTLEMAN, MAY YOU FLY WITH THE ANGELS, LARRY, GOD BE WITH AND YOURS!!!! GO ROYALS!!!! FONDLY,KEN AND KAREN BRIDGEMAN, SMHS, CLASS OF 1962.
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Thank you, Ken. Those days provided wonderful memories and stories for Larry.
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published a tribute .
I knew Larry as "Buster" from when he was three or four years old. Our parents were close friends in the 40's, often playing cards, drinking & smoking into the wee hours while Buster, Cathy, my sister Dede & I would play games until we fell asleep. We would often overnight at each other's homes. The Trout Club was a special place for us, especially actually catching a trout or two in the creek when he was around 7 and I was 11 or so. Larry had a special spirit that attracted others and created friendships. The health problems that affected his later years did not seem to dampen his ability to think ahead and suggest one idea or another to help others. Larry helped make our world a better place and will be sorely missed. RIP!
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Ron, thank you for sharing your fond memories of our Dad. Your card came when I was visiting, and I read it to him. I do believe he heard me. Thank you for your lifelong friendship.
Hi Ron, I'm so glad you stayed in touch with him. You were always a good friend to him. He always talked about his time with you kids at The Trout Club. They were wonderful, rich memories for him.
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published a tribute .
Mr. Coy, I enjoyed all your stories about your hiking experiences. I am grateful to have met you while working at the Californian. You motivated and encouraged me to get out of my bubble and comfort zone to experience nature and to follow my dreams. I will forever miss you Mr.Coy.
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Thank you, Veronica. You were very dear to him and helped make his life enjoyable.
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published a tribute .
Larry was a very special person. We met when I was a senior at SBHS and he was living with Lynn McCarroll. We were all friends and, with Larry and I, that evolved into a very caring, intimate relationship. We stayed in touch off and on throughout are lives and I had just recently been to see him, before Covid hit and I could no longer visit him. I had also talked to him on the phone after his last procedure. He still sounded like the old, positive, understanding, caring man that I had known all of my adult life. When we were in our twenties, we were hiking up at the Trout Club and we got in a rock slide. I was hit in the head by a rock and needed medical attention quickly. Larry and another man carried me up and out of the Trout Club canyon and took me to the ER. I had subsequent surgery for a depressed skull fracture but came out of it just fine. Larry came every day, bringing flowers and good tidings to me in the hospital. I moved from Santa Barbara and I think he did too, for a time. I am glad to be back and so glad that I was able to connect with one of my very favorite people. RIP - my friend forever, Larence (that's what I called him). He loved it!
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Dee, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your fond memories of our Dad. I’m glad you were okay(!) and that your friendship was lifelong.
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published a tribute .
He will be missed at work, he was like family I remembered that day when we watched the last episode of The Walking Dead!! He asked my daughter to make Carol’s beet cookies. We had so much fun. He always try to help me with new ideas for the menu, he love his chocolate chip cookies and ice cream for snack.
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published a comment .
Thank you Gabriela. I remember him telling us about you and your daughter and the cookies. Fun! ❤️
He was so happy to get everyone together for that Walking Dead party. Thank you for helping him make it happen!
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published a tribute .
Larry and I carpooled to San Marcos with Fred Meyer's who had a brand new 1961 Valiant...we gave Fred a $1 a week for gas. We shared many laughs during those trips. Only saw Larry at the 20th reunion ...he thought that I was Fred...we had a good laugh about that. RIP, Larry...
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Zall, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your memories of our Dad.
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published a tribute .
Oh dear Larry. I have always had such fun memories of our times spent together. You truly were one of the kindest people I’ve ever known. And funniest! When I had my appendix out at age 15 you visited me at the hospital and were asked to leave because you made me laugh which was very painful when I was one day post op. Years later we went camping up in Lassen and we hiked up Cinder Cone, which turned out to be one of my favorite places ever. I’ve adventured there and beyond several more times.
You were always so warm and open, kind and friendly.
I will always have such fond and happy memories of you Larry.
Rest In Peace my friend.
I love you. Caity
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Caity, thank you for your kind words and for sharing your memories of our Dad. He loved Lassen, and I’m so glad you were able to share that with him.
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Larry was the first true love of my life. And even though we went our separate ways we never stopped loving each other and we remained good friends to the end. I made sure that any boyfriend or husbands that I married later were willing to include him in all family gatherings. Otherwise, it would have been a no go for them. Fortunately, they were willing and Larry and my late husband, Ron, became friends and genuinely liked each other.
I can remember with crystal clarity when I first saw Larry at the auto mechanics, playing his guitar, dressed in jeans and a black turtleneck shirt, just bohemian enough for me. I thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. I fell in love that day. We created 3 extraordinary children and many wonderful memories together. He adored his children and grandchildren and I thought him to be the best possible father and grandfather they could have. He was kind and caring human being and I have always been grateful for his presence in my life.
Larry, I wish you many blessings and much joy on your next adventure and I will see you again in the blink of an eye. May you fly with the angels!
With much love always, MOYC (mother of your children) Susan Gray (Coy) Scolastico
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published a comment .
Dear Susan snd family,
As one of your childhood friends (your parents and mine were dearest friends as your mother introduced my father, Dr. Arthur Olsen, to his wife Kay). I also graduated high school with Larry and do remember what a great smile he had. I was able to keep up with the two of you through our parents until they passed. I know how proud he was of your beautiful children. My deepest sympathy to all of you.
Jeanne (Olsen) Ullom Decaris
published a comment .
Jeanne! So great to hear from you. Thank you for your kind words. I would love to catch up with you. Please email me at [email protected] and we can arrange a visit. ❤️
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published a tribute .
What fun times, is what I remember about Larry. He was jokester and a good listene. Our lunches outside is what I cherished because it was fair game. He loved his family and grandchildren. I had the opportunity to do physical therapy with a Larry although he was not the best student, we made it work. LARRY you qill be missed. I send a real kiss this time. Gina
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published a comment .
Gina, thank you for your kind words. Even though he didn't care about physical therapy, I know he cared about you. Thank you for the good work you did with him.
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published a tribute .
Larry and I were room mates when we were at SBCC along with Jim Hilton. We had lots of fun w many social activities, to put it mildly. We played baseball together at SBCC. Even though I went to SBHS (‘60) I had many friends from San Marcos, meeting most of them through Larry. He was a great guy and a very close friend. We did chat some time ago about real estate investments. So sad to hear the news.
Lynn McCarroll
Napa
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published a tribute .
Larry was (is and always will be) my grandpa. As many people might say, I cannot say a single bad thing about him. He was kind, passionate, caring, funny, intelligent but most of all LOVING. He was so loving. He had one of the biggest hearts of anyone I knew and there is not a day that goes by that I'm not so beyond grateful to have had him in my life.
I had the opportunity to spend a couple days with him in early 2020 (before covid); we talked about my school a lot since I just recently started online college in Santa Barbara and he made sure to remind me to move up there very soon so I could spend time with him more. He told me time and time again growing up that I would love living in Santa Barbara and I always had a feeling I would too. If I knew covid was going to happen, I would've stayed with him longer but although I don't live in SB yet, I hope I did him proud by at least starting college at Santa Barbara City College with the hopes of moving there in the future. There are not enough words to describe Grandpa Larry. His heart was so full for the people around him. He never wanted to talk about himself, he was always so interested in what everyone else was doing.
I love him so so much and I can't say it enough times... I am so beyond grateful to have known him.
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Dad had always said he wanted gifts from the heart rather than anything I could purchase, so when he turned 50 (and I was 26), I wrote him a letter. He must have told me a thousand times since then how much that meant to him, and he proudly shared it with anyone he could. I wasn’t a parent then, but today I truly can appreciate how much it meant to him. So I will share it one last time here, my tribute to you, Dad.
February 29, 1994
Dear Dad,
On your 50th birthday, I want to take this time to tell you how much you mean to me and the ways you influence my life.
The first thing that comes to mind is nature. All those walks in the park, at the beach, in the mountains, camping, fishing (well, sort of) –you taught me to see the beauty, as well as to identify the poison oak, skills I am able to use every day in one way or another. I really enjoy the simple beauty in nature, and I thank you for showing it to me all those years.
The second thing that comes to mind is diligence and high standards. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I was ever so motivated to do well in school and everything else I ever did (and do). I know it's what's inside me that matters, but I also know it was you who helped me set the high standards for myself early on (and who taught me to read at age 4) and who never let me settle for anything less than my best effort. Thank you for having such high standards for me, for it made me work harder and allowed me to achieve what I otherwise could have let slip through my fingers.
Another thing I remember best about growing up with you is your sense of humor and quick wit. Not only was it fun to laugh with you, but you are very clever and always kept us on our toes! You were also a great game player (Boggle, Uno, etc.), and those were some of the funnest times I can remember.
Cooking is another way you have influenced my life. I love pancakes and Pop tarts, but hate "pork chops," trout, and whatever it was you famously called “goulash” that day. I can really appreciate your taking care of us as a single dad now, especially when I think of you having to work all day and then come home and cook for us. And you always made us pancakes or something with syrup on Saturday, if we didn't go to Sambo's. How wonderful that was!
Another thing I appreciate is the fact that you made us work for the things we wanted. I don't know how many months it took to save up enough to buy my roller skates, but I bought them all on my own at age 11 (and I still have them to this day). I also worked for Ruth and Steve and babysat every chance I could get, and I learned the value of money and hard work. I’ve seen many people who were given things all their life, and although I may have envied them at the time, I would never replace my life lessons for their gifts.
Finally, the day I appreciate the most was when you walked me down the aisle. What a powerful feeling it was to feel your love and support as I walked toward Tim. I really felt like your little girl again, and I am so glad to have shared that experience with you.
It's nice how, as time goes by, the tougher times we remember have become not so tough, and in fact, we realize we have learned a lot from those experiences. They are all part of the path of life and made us who we are today. And when you look at who we are, I think we made a pretty good team, don't you?
I want you to always remember, when times are wonderful and times are difficult, that I love you so very much and that, when I think of you, I am reminded of things I love.
Love,
Adriana
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published a comment .
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