Avdyl Halimi

Ina Muriqi

Joshua Spence

Chastity Fairbairn

My mother was a powerhouse, a woman capable of many things, but she also struggled with more demons then I could ever begin to comprehend. Her life story, if she could have told it herself, would have been disturbing to say at the least, but also a beautiful display of a broken person giving life to creations capable of changing the world around them. Growing up she had shed some light onto some of the abuse she experienced as a child. I had witnessed for myself the abuse she received in relationships from people who claimed to love and support us, the same ones leaving her feeling alone in this world, like nobody could ever understand her. I can only imagine that with all of that hurt inside, being constantly misunderstood, mistreated, not to mention psychical pain, one thing that will always make you feel better is Drugs, Pain killers, anything to numb the pain, I’m not condoning it, but Im not ignorant to the fact.I want to say I tried everything I could, but the truth is at one point I gave up. I couldn’t allow myself to be apart of someones self destruction. For years I begged her to stop doing hard drugs, I began to feel like a babysitter at times, finding out she was doing hard drugs and getting upset with her about it. She would tell me it was just one time, or that its not a big deal, and for years I believed it. It wasn’t until the last few years of her life that I decided to back off, no more lending money to each other, no more visits, just the odd conversation here and there to see how each other was, and to see how things were going with my younger brother who was living with her at the time. The day my mother, and Brother were arrested together for committing a crime, I lost all hope. I knew that I had clearly made my escape from this lifestyle, meanwhile she was dragging my brother into it with her. They both came to me for help, asked me to be their sureties, and I couldn’t be both.I had to make a decision between my mother, and my brother. My brothers entire life has been a shit storm, constantly following him wherever he goes, weather he’s getting in trouble at home, or at school, burning down buildings, or getting into fights. It seems we’re all a victim of our environment, and my mom was still not making the right decisions in life as a grown woman, I knew it was time for me to take charge in my younger brothers life. I got him out of jail, and gave him a place to stay. At this point in my life I had separated myself from my mother for a few years, I had started to grow but I was still not in the right mindset to fully help my brother.I did my best to support him.The day that didn’t make any sense, November 14th a week after my mom had gotten out of jail, i had the weirdest day of my life, the weird part about it is I don’t remember what order anything happened in. I know that my brother left school early, and there was a rumour in the classroom that my mom had overdosed, the teacher contacted me to see if everything was okay, and I had no idea what she was talking about, I said something like oh I’m sure its not that. apparently somebody called my brother and said “your mom is overdosing” and then hung up. even he can’t remember it exactly, but it wasn’t until the next day in the late afternoon that I called my brothers dad to see if he had heard from my brother, and he said no I haven’t seen him, but have you heard the news? and I said no what? and he said “your mothers dead”. I had been contemplating that day since I was 10 years old, the day I lose my mom to drugs. It was the most horrific feeling I’ve ever had in my entire life, I felt completely useless, like a waste of space on this earth, I knew clearly for years that she was struggling, I might have known more then anybody else, and I stood by and chose not only to distance myself, but I never fully gave my everything to get her clean. Many people will tell me that it’s not my battle, and some may agree with me. When you know somebody is struggling , and you dont want to lose them, you have to do everything in your power to help them. otherwise, just say your goodbye.I dont want to leave off on a negative note, so I just want to say this: Dear mom thank you for everything you did for me, my brothers and sisters, your god children. you have created a legacy that will forever live on with your love and courage, although you struggled with demons, for years you did your best to keep them from harming us and that will never go unforgotten. I love you, forever and always.- B Johnson / My Big Bro!

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Chastity Carebear Fairbairn Obituary | Keeper Memorials